So, it seems like feminism and the struggle for equality has been a really popular theme in the media again lately. Funny, if you're a woman, the struggle for equality really never goes out of style, it just gets pushed to the back of your mind as you balance the choices that are available to you with the day-to-day mundane things that you have to do to live a life.
As I have been seeing women approach the issue of feminism lately, I feel like many of us are "doing it wrong." In the same breath, I feel like one of the most common mistakes we make as women in general is declaring that our sisters in arms are "doing it wrong" when we disagree with their method. Myself included.
So, I decided to consider the origin and the meaning of the word feminism. The word itself was coined by a French philosopher Charles Fourier. He wasn't really interested in equality for women, but he did want things to be better for us. As I Googled some more, I found that I couldn't really get at the meat of the word the way I wanted to. If you break it down, it essentially is the "state of being feminine." If you look at the modern feminist movement, however, you know that the "state of being feminine" is frequently ridiculed by its proponents.
It took a little digging to find something that resonated with me. I think most women agree that for the same amount of work, a woman should be paid the same amount of money. Most women agree that they are equal to many tasks. Things have changed over decades, and if we look back, even over centuries. The change has been very slow in some areas, and pretty much non-existent in others.
As I consider how I think we as women should define feminism, three words keep coming to mind: equality of choice. It seems like my epiphany is actually about 220 years late. Mary Wollstonecraft beat me to the punch. I admit to not knowing anything about her, or at least not embracing any knowledge about her until today. She was actually Mary Shelley's mother. Yes, that Mary Shelley--author of "Frankenstein." Being the mother of the mother of "Frankenstein" is a pretty important bullet point on your resume, but Wollstonecraft went one better in my opinion, because in her "Vindication of the Rights of Woman" she gets it soooooo right.
"I do not wish them (women) to have power over men; but over themselves."
I can't deny that as I was looking at the word feminism and where it originates, nothing I found excited me more than this quote. I have frequently written about women's issues, and I have frequently written about the disappointments in a world where women are frequently treated as second class citizens (under the best of circumstances) and even mere property to be controlled and disposed of at will (under the worst). Obviously, the degree to which such treatment is perpetrated often depends on circumstance and location of birth, but every woman knows the pitfalls of being a woman.
And that's where we all diverge into so many different directions in trying to breathe life into the words equality of choice.
The feminists that most women my age "know" about are the "bra burning", hard core "men are pigs" protesters of the 1960's. For these women, it wasn't enough just to ask to be treated as equals with men, it seemed like they wanted to be superior, or apart from them. As a gender, we made some progress from there, but even though there's nothing to say women were required to be nice about being treated as "less than," there's something to be said for catching more flies with honey.
For many women my age, the next divergent direction seemed to present itself in the 1980's when Madonna writhed around on a stage in a wedding dress, singing "Like a Virgin." It may not be obvious her performance was part of the feminist movement, but when you consider the words equality of choice, there can be no question about the significance of performances such as these by women. And they continue to be a direction many women choose.
This is where I make my confession: I am not a fan of these kinds of performances. I don't think they move the efforts of feminism in the direction I would like to see us going.
I know what the theory is behind them. As a gender, women are so frequently exploited, for once, as a woman, it is probably exhilarating to take power over that exploitation. It happens to be my opinion that exploiting yourself is still exploitation and even if it's a statement about women having the right to choose sexual expression, there are so many other issues we can make choices about with as much veracity and with more credibility. I would argue that these sexual declarations are pretty much cliched at this point.
Equality of choice is about so many things beyond the sexual alone.
It wasn't that long ago that even having a career wasn't a choice that women could make. And beyond that, women were pigeonholed into certain career choices for generations. Because career choice was so limited, women's earning potential also was limited. That has certainly changed in recent decades, but women's salaries haven't kept up with the changes in career options.
Up until 1960, whether or not sexual intercourse resulted in pregnancy was largely out of women's control. With the approval of the contraceptive pill, women finally had a choice about when or even if they became mothers. If you ask many single mothers, that's certainly a choice their male counterparts have always had. With recent threats to the equality of reproductive choices women have, this right still seems to be a question on the table. It would be unthinkable to men that such choices could be made for them.
There are still many things about which women don't have as many choices as they should. And in looking at them, many would argue that such a statement is subjective, but it's not. Women are still faced with situations on a daily basis that force them to make choices men don't have to make. Women have to carefully consider what they wear, with whom they associate, how much they drink, and where they go. One wrong choice may get them labeled as easy at best, or assaulted or killed at worst.
One could argue that some choices can put men in harm's way as well, but most women would argue that whether or not he buttons the top button of his shirt or not is not the equivalent of "yes," when he's said "no."
Equality of choice is not strictly about being paid the same money for the same work. It's not about being eligible for promotions or the upper tiers of management. It's not about being able to serve on the front lines in war. It's not about being able to have sex for pleasure.
Equality of choice is about being able to choose everything about the way we live without fear. In believing that statement wholeheartedly, I feel like everyone who publicly approaches the issue of feminism is only getting it half right. And in getting it half right, we open ourselves up for disrespect at best and lack of credibility at worst. It also means we're getting it half wrong.
Because we can't get together on our message, women like Emma Watson can be threatened and maligned for saying that feminism should be a concern of men as well. Because we can't get together, women like Miley Cyrus will continue to strut around in next-to-nothing in the name of declaring their sexual freedom as women, and they will continue invite the same sneering ridicule as women who have flirted "too freely" at the party.
The problem with "feminism" is that the message should be pretty straight-forward and obvious. The solution is that we shouldn't be "feminists." We should be "humanists" instead. If we could agree as a people that it is right for all of us to be able to choose everything about the way we live without fear, it wouldn't matter if we were men or women.
