So, I know there are about one million things that happen to all of us everyday that we should just accept and let go of. I think it would be tough to find very many people who would honestly say that they are completely happy with every aspect of their lives, and if we all got bogged down by disappointment, the world would stop.
Happiness is a relative term, I think, and one's level of happiness correlates directly with who we are. Sometimes that means that the way we have developed and grown into our lives shapes how we define happiness and our ability to achieve it.
And no, I don't mean that those of us who aren't as happy as we'd like to be should give up. I want to believe that's why those of us who haven't achieved that level complain--because we want to get there and we aren't satisfied with accepting our lot. When we accept and fall mute, hope dies.
The hard part is we get stuck, and our vision of happiness has developed beyond our skill level to achieve it. What skills am I referring to? It depends on what obstacles are between you and your happiness. It could be something as simple as not having the education needed to pursue a career we dream of, or as complex as not having the faith in ourselves to take risks when we really should.
The hard part about not being in that place we wish to be is that the people around us have little choice but to accept our foundering in the process, and they suffer along with us. Lack of satisfaction, meaning and happiness in our lives leaves us having to carry life on our backs in cumbersome sacks instead of being able to wheel them around in a cart or in smart luggage. And sometimes when people offer to help, we find it impossible to hand any of the weight off.
The frustrating thing is that just like I know there are children starving in China while a plate of steamed broccoli is in front of me, I know that horrible things happen to people everywhere, everyday that are worse than any of the things that I am dealing with, and that I have no right to be anything but blissful. The problem with that is what I feel about my situation is not different than how a starving child in China feels, we're just starving for different things.
I've spent a lot of my life telling myself that I don't have any right to feel certain things for various reasons. Yeah, I had a difficult childhood, but my parents didn't starve me, they didn't burn me with cigarettes, I was never raped, and none of my bones were ever broken. Given that none of those things happened to me, even with the things that did, I am quite lucky. Isn't it sad that we as people are conditioned to expect so little? If I'm not starved, burned, raped or horribly battered, I don't deserve to feel bad about anything. I'm pretty sure that if you look in the dictionary, the definition of "happiness" does not read: state of not being starved, burned, raped or battered, see also "not having large items fall upon you."
It's true. I want more. And I don't want to have to feel ashamed of wanting more or have to apologize for it either.
I don't know what the answer is. I know that wallowing in self-pity is not a solution. I think, sometimes, there is a fine line between expressing personal frustration and disappointment, and wallowing. On the surface, I think they often resemble each other without the intent of doing so. I also think practicing a policy of "don't ask, don't tell" when it comes to frustration and disappointment creates its own problems and multiplies resentments.
It's amazing to me how sometimes the simplest, tiniest things tear at us like piranhas. Our lives are slowly chewed up, first by the big things, and then by the small things. When I think of all the little bites out of my own life, I realize, there are no small things. Anything that eats away at you is something that is stealing life from you and everyone who cares about you.
So, the next time someone looks at you cross-eyed and it bothers you, you are welcome to talk to me. I know it's just an eye-crossing and there are children in China without glasses, but I understand.
http://youtu.be/H2lbiS1fris
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