So, if you cook at all, you know that potatoes are kind of a perfect canvas. They absorb just about any flavor with which you season them. But you have to be careful, because sometimes, if you add too much of something, potatoes absorb more of the seasoning than you want them to--that's why you have to be so careful about how much salt you add to them or else they'll become bitter.
Except for the "perfect" part, I'm a potato.
I started thinking about this a lot over the last few days. A friend I work with was talking wistfully about a colleague of hers who has happily become immersed in her career. She's in the phase of learning, growing and becoming who she ultimately will be. I wouldn't go as far as to say that my friend is necessarily envious--that could have a negative connotation that I don't intend, but I think it's fair to say that the feeling of wanting to be happy in your work and successful at the same time is fairly universal. We all just need the same things.
I've been working in my field for thirteen years now. I went into it with wide eyes, big ideas and new dreams. The learning, growing, stretching phase made me believe anything was possible. I worked hard to become as good at my job as I could. After a while, I was so excited about all the things that were clicking for me, that I wanted to help them click for everyone around me. As motivated and happy as I was, how could I not want to share that feeling with everyone?
People started to think of me as a possible leader, but it didn't exactly work out that way. Somehow, I just couldn't close the deal. I didn't end up being a leader. Turns out I'm more of a 'ladder'--there to support others and help them reach for things. When I realized what I wasn't going to be, I also realized that maybe I didn't want to be a 'ladder' either. I needed to change. The only problem--I'm a potato.
After all the years of working hard, staying late to help out, giving other people pep talks and trying to do the right thing--I knew those things were good, but they weren't good enough for anyone else, and they were making me feel a little beat up. But after so long doing it, it's hard for other people to see me doing anything else, and it's just as hard for me to start being anything else.
I know we all just need the same things, but sometimes we put all of our wants, needs and desires into one basket, turning our backs on the other ones. When we finally start to take a step back and see all the possibilities we left behind, we realize we've taken on way too much salt. It's really hard to do anything with an overly salty potato.
It's been a tough week. I've felt taken for granted. I've been salty. I say I don't want to be a potato. I declare it and put my foot down, but when people look at me, all they see is a potato.
In spite of wanting to be something else, I actually love potatoes. I remember growing up and hanging out with my mom sometimes when she would be making supper. She was pretty good at opening boxes and cans, and turning them into some of my favorite horribly over processed meals. But when she wasn't taking those short cuts, she actually was a half decent cook. We both shared a love of two pretty versatile plants--potatoes and tomatoes. I loved to eat pieces of fresh potatoes raw as she sliced them up to mash or fry. But given the choice, I would sit down and eat an entire tomato like most people eat apples. I couldn't do that with a potato.
Tomatoes are similar to potatoes in the sense that they can be the foundation for so many dishes, the difference--tomatoes are brightly colored, bursting with their own flavor and they can stand alone. They're fragile and you don't expect them to hang out for as long as potatoes--you know they're going to go bad if you don't use them. Potatoes are sturdy and dependable. They can sit on a counter for days and days and even if they start to grow tiny little sprouts, you can cut those bad parts off and still use them. And they're still going to absorb whatever flavors you want them to. They're going to support your meal.
I hope my friend's colleague becomes a tomato. People around her will reach for her and want to add her to every good thing they're making. I'm pretty sure I won't find a way to be a tomato in my work life. I'm hoping that I didn't look back on the other baskets in my life too late to do anything about them. I hope that maybe I get over the feeling of being a ladder, because ladders by their own natures are designed to be stepped on, and after a while, you start to feel a little bruised when people aren't wearing soft shoes.
It's also important to realize that people with hard shoes aren't wearing hard shoes to hurt you--after all, it's not their fault you look like a ladder, and lifting other people up is what ladders are for.
Cough Syrup--Young the Giant
Sammi, I feel that you're already resigned to your label as a potato and I want to try to persuade you otherwise. From your blogs I have been able to better understand who you are as a person. We don't get much time together like we did when I lived in Overland Park and saw you every day at work over the summer. I miss that, but I've come to learn even more about you than I think I ever could from simply working with you. That being said, I want to talk about your potato-ness…
ReplyDeleteI LOVE potatoes. I have potato-based meals at least three times a week (the other times it’s pasta or rice) and I can attest to your claim that potatoes are the most versatile, yummy, creative base in a food dish. BUT, potatoes are bland; they’re two colors; brown or red on the outside and always one color on the inside. That is NOT how you are. You are all the greens of Ireland, the rich black, white and red colors of Twilight and U2, the foamy light blues of the bays of Salem, MA, the various yellows, purples, oranges of your fantastic taste in music and culture. You are so much MORE than a potato.
BUT, I will not disagree with you about how other people view and treat you. That is their fault and it’s a hard thing in life to have to take on their responsibility and work to change the way they view you. People should accept that responsibility and not burden you with it, but I’ve learned that that’s not going to happen any time soon. I’ve worked with you enough to see how your treated and I wish I would have been stronger and smarter so that I could have changed things or stood up for you. But I wasn’t then and I still don’t know how to now and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for everyone who hasn’t told you they’re sorry, and who probably won’t because they just don’t think about things like that.
BUT (I know I have a lot of “buts” in this proposition) I think things can change. I know that you will not always feel like a ladder and you will not always accept that “ladder” status as your own. You are bigger and better than that. I know it, Jeph knows it, and everyone who has ever worked or spoken with you knows it…and I know that YOU know it. Maybe it’s time to rise and demand greater things for yourself.
Do not be resigned and complacent with where you stand IF you do not like where you stand. You taught me all of these things in your words and in your actions. Do not be a wooden rung on a ladder, don’t let people step on you or climb over you to get to the top. Not anymore. Push them off and tell them that it’s your turn. You’ve waited long enough.
I understand when you say that ladders are necessary. Isaac Newton famously said “If I have seen a little further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants”; you have been a Giant, you have taught me and many others the necessary skills that enabled us to be good and efficient at our jobs. You have taught your friends how to be better and to “see further”. But like it or not, people soon take those Giants for granted and the judgment of those grateful people soon become clouded with greed and quick and easy self gratification. When that happens it is not your duty to weather the abuse or mistreatment, it is your duty to yourself that you must fight for.
I’m sorry if this came out more like a rant than anything but I really wanted you to hear what I believe in. I know you’ve been fighting for awhile to “escape” out of the mud that you feel you’re stuck in and I wish I knew how to help you. I just wanted you to know that when you look back across the mud, you will definitely see me and a lot of other people in cheerleader’s outfit’s hooraying and rah rah-ing you on with our white and red pom poms.
S.G., you are a blindingly bright spot in my life, no matter how often I get to spend time with you.
DeleteI appreciate everything you've expressed, especially knowing that your life is so jam-packed that you value me enough to take some of your very scant spare time to read my blog, let alone that you have taken some of it respond.
Watching the way you live your life is part of what allows me to look at my own and recognize things I could have done differently along the way, and that's a big part of what I am expressing in this post. It's not so much about being resigned, or even feeling like I've drawn a bad lot, it's more about saying that we should all be more open in our lives and not have tunnel vision about our choices. When we do that, we shut out opportunities along the way that we sometimes can't get back or that may be a lot more difficult. If we pigeonhole ourselves, others can't help but see us in ways we may not want to always be seen. It's about learning from mistakes and being able to see that sometimes even with the best of intentions, we can put ourselves in positions we didn't plan for and do not want. It's also about being able to say to the people around us that sometimes they are being unfair and not seeing us as whole people who can change, and are trying to. It's about saying "hey, just because I've always been the last person out the door, doesn't mean that I'm always going to be, or even want to be." It's about saying that my life is bigger than the nine-hour shift I'm working today. It's about saying that for everything you see me do, there's probably half a dozen other things you haven't seen me do that you wouldn't have wanted to.
There's not a lot to regret here. I've gotten a lot of satisfaction from lifting other people up, and I know some people have genuinely appreciated it. I ran into someone else like that today, and hearing from you, too, also softens some of the rough edges of this past week.
This post is about spreading your life around. It's about learning to climb rocks and taking a stab at going to grad school in Hawaii. It's about the "Twilight Years," "The House of the Seven Gables" and "City of Lights." It's about "Letters From the Sky," "Pumped up Kicks" and Florence and the Machine. It's about opening your eyes and looking for everything that might be out there for you instead of always being so sure that everything you're ever going to need is right in front of you.
I love you my friend. And I thank you. :)