Holding on

Adrift upon the roughest seas,
I wash upon the rocky shore.
Slippery and sharp, I hold on.
I hold on because that's all there is.
I hold on because holding on is what I know.
For hours and days, I cling,
My hands and face sliced, slashed.
The cuts flay me deep, bleed me dry.
I watch the time bleed away from me,
I watch, only because I am paralyzed by moments.
Warmer, softer grasses--an oasis,
I can only dream of in the distance,
The cold water awakens my desperation.
I cling for fear of going under,
I cling to stop the drowning, the slipping away.
The gulls screech by taunting,
Shouting at me to swim--to fly.
I turn, leaning my head against the rocks.
Shutting out the sound of those calls,
Shutting out the judgment of my chosen failure.
My arms limp and weak from bruising,
I feel each and every bone snapping.
Each break met with misshapen smiles.
Lips crossing like fingers waiting for my crush,
Lips forming words that taunt like gulls without beaks.
Drowning might set me free,
Slipping under may allow my rest
I tighten my hold, steeling myself against thought.
For now, I am more frightened of freedom,
For now, I hold onto the worthlessness of security.
From time to time, the sun warms me,
Brings me back to life in the cold sea,
And I see your warm, soft grasses in the distance.
I am tired from holding on, but I still do,
I hold on, because in the distance,
     somehow, I know I will always find you.

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