Grateful and Naming Names, November 19, 2012

So, a lot of people are doing the daily gratitude thing on Facebook and other places this month. I get it, but up until today, I just wasn't into it.

I frequently find myself aware of moments and people that I take for granted. When I realize my mistake, I feel sad if I've missed a chance to acknowledge those moments or those people. But, I like to think that I make a point of letting the people I care about know how much they mean to me whenever I can.

Every once in a while, someone really surprises me. Every once in a while, the people I love, love me back.

I know I have written about the low points of this year, but mostly those low moments have been coupled to amazing affirmations that there are lovely people looking out for me, and for my family. It sometimes feels impossible that we can be digging our way out of a terrible dark hole, only to find a bright and shining sun lighting the way out.

I usually make a point not to mention any names in my blog, because I always figure my friends and family don't ask to be the subject of my creative outlet. But if I'm going to talk about gratitude, I can't do it without naming names. 

It started in February this year, when we had to say goodbye to our Blue. I work in a profession where I frequently have to help people deal with the loss of their pets. I have some great friends at work who helped us get through our own loss this time around, particularly Kat Hodes.

The card Kat Hodes made for us

I once told Kat Hodes that she practices expensive veterinary care, and that hers was the kind I would always be glad to pay dearly for. If people had to pay her what she's really worth, they could never afford it. She cares for every patient she meets as if they were her very own pet, and she offers their owners every bit of hope that might be possible. And when it doesn't go the way everyone hopes, she's just as disappointed, if not more. There is no good way to say goodbye to a family member, but she made one of the worst experiences of this year the most loving and compassionate moments we could have given Blue, no matter how painful for us.

If that wasn't enough, a short time after saying goodbye to Blue, we got a card in the mail that Kat had personalized with Blue and our dog Scrubbs having a conversation about heaven. It was an amazingly sweet gift that I could never have imagined anyone would give us.

When I drew a work assignment this year that I didn't ask for or want, I didn't know how I was going to get through it. I'd spent the previous couple of years in work related-angst, and my faith in my professional world had worn pretty thin. I had just started to believe the corner had turned when this assignment came up.

A short time before this difficult assignment, I got a new boss. In the past, that had been a scary change. This time, it has been one of the best things that could ever have happened. Becca Forbis is a manager. She defines the word. She knows people, and she knows what they need to be successful and to keep putting one foot in front of the other, even during difficult times. She could not have any idea how much our weekly lunches meant to me over the summer. She helped me believe, again, in things I had given up on. She helped me believe that someone in my work world really cares about us, and that she will go to bat for me. She's an amazing person, and continues to mean so much in my life. 

It seems like those couple of things would have been enough. But June packed quite a punch this year.

When Jeph ended up in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism, we were immediately surrounded by friends, some of whom traveled a great distance to be with us. Sheri Rohrbach, and Jeph's mom Jill, came running. They were there to sit with him, and to keep me distracted for the three days he was hospitalized. And anyone who couldn't come sent messages and offered up any other kind of help we might want.

A short time following Jeph's adventure, our late start to a non-furry family didn't go so well. We're still waiting for another chance at that.
 
But when things started to go so sadly awry, I leaned on someone who knew what I was going through pretty hard. Meg Kaemmer is one of the brightest, most sparkly people I know. I don't think she knows how amazing and beautiful she is. I don't have any idea how many texts I received from her in the days leading up to, and immediately after my miscarriage this year. On a day-to-day basis, I realize we aren't the most obvious friends, but every time it has really mattered, she has been there behind the scenes when I can't keep myself together. She's my stormy weather friend.

And she wasn't the only one.

The first day back at work, Cory Bassett knew I wasn't doing the best. She rescued me away to lunch so I could get all of it out. It seems like a little thing to take someone to lunch, but it was huge that day, and proof that sometimes the tiniest gestures have the greatest impact. Not unlike another tiny gesture from Kat Hodes, when she sent me some of Bono's mojo.

All those "Fever" books from Julie Moyer Lancaster

Every day was difficult for a while, and looking for bright spots was hard. But Julie Moyer Lancaster not only was the voice in my head in the emergency room, reminding me to advocate for myself, she was the package from Barnes and Noble on the kitchen counter containing at least a week's worth of escape.

Ginnifer Smith Jobgen was there when I got my first massage in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. We had been friends for a long time, but we hadn't been able to hang out in ages. She had been a comforting voice in my storm as well, and in August, I got to escape to Indiana to be with her for a few days just to slow the world down. I was reminded of why it had meant to much to me to fight for our friendship when she and Jeph's brother broke up all those years ago. She continues to understand me on levels that few people do.

I have been grateful to all of these women this year for showing me in small and giant ways how easy it is to make a difference for others. I don't think any one of them would consider what they've done for me this year to be extraordinary. But that's exactly what they are--extraordinary, because it's just their way.

Ginnifer Jobgen knockin' on my heart's door

And it doesn't end with the difficult times. At the end of last week, my fellow Twilight tribeswoman Julie surprised me with a "Breaking Dawn" mug and hot chocolate. Just a small gesture to acknowledge the end of something we have shared together, that has meant so much to both of us.  And today, Ginnifer sent me a tiny piece of Ireland in the form of a door knocker just like the one at my favorite place to stay there. She knows I've felt pretty homesick since coming back, and seeing this arrive in the mail would brighten my day.

I think taking a month aside and dedicating a moment to share gratitude everyday is a good thing. Maybe I'm not into it, because the level of gratitude I have for these amazing women in my life leaves me speechless. I don't know how to be worthy of the love I've been shown by all of them during this most difficult year.

There are always going to be moments that get you down. It's easy to spiral downward with it. At times, I have let myself be sadder than I should have been. But sometimes, that's when people give you the most to be grateful for. It's because every tiny thing they do lifts you up, when you find it difficult to lift yourself up.

Kind and Generous--Natalie Merchant

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