Getting a hand to help climb over the dead ends. March 28, 2013

So, with my work schedule, I almost never get to see anything from television the day it airs. As a television junkie, I rely prettily heavily on our DVR. I think a lot of us live that way these days. Some days, it seems like a second job. No judgment--I'm clear on the fact that I could and should be doing something else.

Today, I'm catching up on all the shows my husband doesn't want to watch. A few days late, I'm watching the blind auditions of this season's "The Voice." I originally started watching because I love Maroon 5, especially Adam Levine. But the show hooked me with its premise--the idea that someone can get up on stage, sight, literally, unseen and potentially have their life changed by a major music star choosing to coach them to perfect their craft and become a star themselves.

One of the performers failed to get a coach and was visibly devastated. Not everyone is going to be selected, and I wasn't particularly moved by her performance, but Adam Levine did something that took my breath away. He ran up onto the stage and comforted her in that moment of loss. To me, that hug was worth a million dollars. He promised that they would give her sound advice and that everything was going to be okay. Even as I sit here, "reliving the moment," I feel a tremendous lump in my throat.

Comforting someone in a moment of professional loss is a very human thing to do, but it's something I think seldom happens. After all, it's just business right? Nothing personal. But that's just it. For most of us, what we do professionally is very personal. Because so much of our time is spent in the workplace, what we do often defines who we are so deeply, that when we fail, or even just fail to succeed at the level we strive for, it hurts like hell.

On the rocky path to success. 

And that's where true coaching and development comes into play for the individual. A lot of companies and managers talk about it, but I often think it's just one more task on the to-do-list that's already very long. True coaching and development requires more than lip service.

I'm not where I want to be in my professional life. I own pieces of that. I chose a safe path instead of a rocky one that might have led to my dreams. I'm slowly walking backward, but it's hard.

In spite of where I am now, I recognize that there have been people along the way who have offered advice, support and direction. One of the biggest factors in success and failure is believing in yourself. Sometimes it's hard to get to that place, and you need someone else to believe in you first. That's at least a little bit of what a show like "The Voice" is all about. Whether these singers go on to be chart toppers or not, in a moment, someone really believed in them and wanted to help them along their path.

Early in my career in the veterinary field, there were a couple of people who gave me a hand up--a veterinarian who believed I could do more than be a receptionist, and a hospital director who gave me a look behind the curtain to show me how our business really worked. Those two individuals made a huge impact at a time when I was nothing more than a giant lump of clay, and even today, their hands play a major role in what I believe to be right in my day to day responsibility to patients and my hospital. Nearly fifteen years later, in certain circles, I'm considered to be one of the best technicians in our company's Kansas City market. I may not have achieved everything in the field I wanted to, but I'm far more than that original lump of clay.

Over the years, I have had the opportunity to help other individuals find their way. Thinking of Adam Levine hugging that performer, it makes me proud to think that for someone else, I might have been a hand up as well. In moments of uncertainty, a guiding hand and voice of comfort is more than most of us can count on.

We all want to succeed, but sometimes find ourselves at a dead end. It occurred to me earlier in the week, when I was thinking about what dead end roads look like, there's usually something beyond the road marker. Usually, it's overgrown and hard to know what might be lurking. You can't keep driving, and you are discouraged from continuing on.

A simple thought occurred to me--what if you climb over? It sounds ludicrous, but think about it.

Maybe you can't clearly see what lies between you and your destination, but that doesn't mean that you're going the wrong way. It's just a road block. If you're fortunate enough to have someone in your life--anyone--who is willing to give you a hand up, why not keep going? All you need is that guide, and possibly a machete.

Right now, I have someone pushing me everyday to "walk backward." He's pushing me to go faster than I am always willing, but pushing me and guiding me nevertheless. In this case, he happens to be my husband, but he really could be anyone and the effect would be the same. (Granted, when you live with the person, it's a little harder to avoid their prodding.)

It's hard to live in a safe zone and do fantastic things. It's even harder if you're up there on a stage, all by yourself, and getting your heart broken at every turn. Sometimes you're going to win. Most times you're going to lose. You need someone who will push you when you're afraid to climb over the dead ends in life, but you also need an Adam Levine who will rush to your rescue and embrace you when you realize that you just twisted your ankle in a deep hole that was out of sight.

Without the hand up I am getting right now, I wouldn't be editing my first novel and trying to prepare it for publication. Without that comforting guidance, I wouldn't feel like I could try to climb over my dead end. I'd continue to feel discouraged from trying to find a way back to the main road. You know how annoying going back can be, especially if there aren't any obvious places to turn around.

What does mentoring, coaching and guiding really mean? It's an investment. You have to be willing to put something you have into someone else who doesn't have it, and you have to be willing to really make it count. But just as importantly, you have to be a part owner in the hard moments when the person you're guiding has a set-back.

I don't know Adam Levine from...Adam. I hope that he is as genuine for that performer as he seemed to be in that moment on stage. But if his willingness to offer comfort to someone who isn't even part of his team is any sign, I think he knows what it really means to someone to have that hand up. It's a great example.

Stereo Heart--Gym Class Heroes, featuring Adam Levine

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