May 13, 2011--What about Blue? (insert any name, and the feeling's the same)

So, it's kind of an odd day here at the house. Jeph would probably call it a "soft day." I think we might define that term in different ways. For me, it means it's a little cool and overcast outside, and there's not an awful lot of structured activity going on.

Puppy's at the hospital for her recheck, so, it's just Blue and me. He's an odd little guy, and I think he's really okay with the fact that it's just the two of us today. It makes me think about him and who he is a little more than I usually do.

Blue's about fourteen and a half. Fifteen years ago, I wanted a dog more than anything. Jeph and I hadn't been married for very long and we had just moved to Kansas City. I really didn't have many friends, and at the time, Jeph worked like a crazy fool. Here's where I make the very convoluted statement that Jeph would not let me have a dog. The truth is, he just didn't know how much we needed one.

When Jeph finally relented, and agreed to at least start looking for a "child," we knew we would adopt. We didn't want to jump into anything. We went to a shelter just to get our feet wet. By the end of the day, the only thing more wet than our feet was the little black nose on a very shy, clingy little 6-month-old. His name was already Blue--after the color collar his rescue mom had given him just as she had done with his litter mates.

He was a handful that ended up changing both of our lives and my career. It's because of Blue that I became a veterinary technician, and it's because I became a veterinary technician that our family grew. In the years after Blue's adoption, we added Scrubbs and Audas to our family. As I think about Blue today, I have to acknowledge that I tend to anthropomorphise. One simple fact occurred to me today--we never asked Blue what he wanted.

Thinking about that makes me realize how often this happens in life. We never asked Blue if he would be happier as an only dog. On days like today, I think he would emphatically reply "yes." He's on the sofa just snoozing away with total contentment.

I wouldn't trade the years we had with Scrubby for anything. He was one of the coolest dogs I have ever met, and I miss him so much everyday. I didn't know it when he came home, but my life wasn't complete without him. There are many days I feel that hole. I miss his easy way. He didn't have a self-conscious bone in his body. He knew when he was needed and by whom, without being asked.

In recent years, Blue has gone through some changes. One of those changes is that he frequently whines about what we assume to be nothing. We offer him food, make sure he has water, and open the door to make sure that he can get outside before the urinary flood gates swing open. More frequently than not, none of these things makes the whining dissipate. I often ask myself "What the hell does he freaking want?" I wish he could tell me and I could give it to him. I love him. I just don't understand him. I think that happens in life a lot as well.

Audas, a.k.a Puppy Mo, added a dimension to our family I also didn't realize we were missing--sass. I'm pretty sure Jeph would argue that there was plenty of sass in the household just with me here, but the reality is that Mo is sass personified. If she were a person, I would say she is one of the only people I have ever met who not only asks for what she wants, she insists on it. If only we could all be so confident.

When it comes right down to it, I think we are all busy living our own lives and just trying so hard sometimes to make it through. Some of us are better at it than others. Sometimes we end up in places we never planned to be in, sometimes because nobody every asked what we wanted and really listened or understood. And then, when we most want to express what it is that we want, somehow, we just can't communicate it.

Both of those ideas make me sad on a soft day, but I want to believe that if you can recognize these truths, maybe there's something you can do to change them.

http://youtu.be/OzQKECQgjW8

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