I'm generally not the most nationalistic of people--and yes, I chose the
word nationalistic instead of patriotic for a reason. It's because
there is a big difference between the two. I would never presume to
shout from the hilltops that America is the greatest nation on Earth,
not because it isn't, but quite honestly, I have little basis for
comparison. I've never lived anywhere else.
I do, however, have a deep appreciation for the modicum of freedom and
safety afforded to me, and now my daughter, because we happen to have
been born in the United States. But I am not so starry-eyed about
America that I think we are either free, or safe enough. In my opinion,
safety and freedom go hand in hand.
And freedom is a priceless human commodity that can only be supported in
a world where feeling confident about our safety is the norm.
Lately, the world doesn't seem like a very safe place for anyone. You
can barely board an airplane without fears that something terrible might
happen--more so than the typical amount of fears. There is unrest and
strife in so many places. Day after day, we in America are spectators to
the tragedies of ongoing wars, militant extremist terror, and
kidnapping and violence targeted at women.
With so many frightening things going on all over the world, it hardly
seems worth mentioning the "minor" trials and tribulations we as women
face when it comes to freedom and safety in America. But then I think of
that notion we so often boast about--America is the greatest nation on
Earth! Wouldn't you think as the GNOE we would naturally feel obligated
to lead by example?
I recently read a blog shared on Facebook by Huffington Post that addressed the point that we must educate women and girls about being safe. It was very well written, and the crux of the piece was that when we educate women and girls that danger is the norm, we give permission for that danger to continue. And that lack of safety for women doesn't stop with women--it carries through to all people against whom violent crimes are frequently perpetrated. Many readers of the post completely missed the point, and continued to reiterate that it's just common sense that you are careful and you are aware of your surroundings so you can be prepared if someone attacks you.
Shouldn't it be common sense that we should strive to make the world a place where women and girls don't have to feel potentially threatened with violence, either when they leave their houses or in their own homes?
Now I know that is an idealistic viewpoint, but it makes me sad that I
won't be able to tell my daughter she is free to hop on her bike and
ride to her heart's content, because I will have to worry someone might
snatch her and do unthinkable harms to her. It's true, boys can be
snatched and harmed, but girls and women in general are
disproportionately victimized.
Why are women targets? I wish I really knew the answer to that question.
Some might refer to our status as "the weaker sex." We are easier
targets. After carrying a child for nine months and recovering from a
Caesarian-section, I would definitely argue that this perception is
total crap. In fact, if anything, I would go out on a crazy limb and say
that not only are women the stronger sex, but the reason for our superiority is exactly the reason we are targeted.
I read another blog shared by Huffington Post today from the perspective of a divorced woman who ended up seeking food stamps for herself and her children because she just couldn't make ends meet--even with three part time jobs. A man actually commented that if a man declared to his sexual partner that he had no interest in supporting or participating in the life of a child after the fact that he was free to walk. True, if that's what a man does, then this can potentially leave a woman in a position of weakness. But aside from the fact that this man decidedly showed what an ass he is, it actually supports my point that women are the stronger sex.
Theoretically, after a man has done his part to help us create a child,
we women do the rest of the work. As the gender with the power to
perpetuate our species, it's no wonder men are so threatened they feel
compelled to seek control over us. The violent crimes most frequently
perpetrated against women are about power and control--and usually over
some aspect of reproduction and self-determination.
Why else would there be any argument about a woman's right to make her own choices about when, how or even if she
reproduces? Or if she has sex outside of the traditional confines of
marriage? No one seriously challenges the right of men to make choices
about when, or if they will be sexually active.
And this is why it's worth talking about how America as the GNOE fails
women in the rest of the world. Gender equality in America is an
illusion. As long as the idea that women shouldn't be trusted to make
choices about their reproductive care prevails, we fail women
everywhere.
The Hobby Lobby decision handed down by the Supreme Court is
disheartening at least, but it should be frightening to us all if we
truly are the GNOE. So many argue that the decision only deals with the
types of contraceptives that the owners of Hobby Lobby object to based
on their religious views. That may be true, for now. But going forward,
what is to stop companies owned by people of other faiths to make
similar claims about the types of care their workers can choose?
Sadly, women are often the first and foremost victims when it comes to
issues of faith. It's one of the reasons I can't bring myself to align
with any organized religion. The most prominent religions in our world
view women as second class beings. Women are property to be
controlled--allegedly for their protection. Does anyone stop to ask who
women need protecting from?
It's hard for me to look at organized religion without seeing so much
religious zealotry. And most of the major religions people follow have
patriarchal hierarchies as the center of their belief system. As
Americans, we express outrage when we hear about honor killings in
India. We are beside ourselves that girls are so frequently denied the
right to be educated in other countries. It is unthinkable that girls
and women can be bought and sold like livestock for and at the pleasure
of men.
But if these things are so unthinkable, why isn't it equally unthinkable
that an employer can decide that if I am a victim of rape, I shouldn't
be able to seek a contraceptive that will ensure I do not become
pregnant as a result of that violent attack? Why isn't it unthinkable
that perpetrators of violent sex crimes so frequently resort to
defending their actions by talking about what the woman did that brought
the violence against her? If that defense never worked, men wouldn't
even try. Why isn't it unthinkable that unlike men, women often must
choose between careers they love or raising their children because
leaving the workforce often jeopardizes their chances of re-entering the
workplace at the level they left it?
Why isn't it unthinkable that my little girl won't be able to freely run
and play with the same feeling of freedom as so many little boys do?
Why isn't it unthinkable that when she goes to a party in college some
man might see her in a short skirt and think she's asking for his
advances, even if she says she's not interested?
I am a declared agnostic. That means I'm too wishy-washy to say I am an
atheist or that I believe in a god. It means I'm hedging my case on both
sides so I'm not wrong. A couple months ago, a friend and I were
talking about the miscarriage I had two years ago. I said something to
the effect that there must have been a reason I couldn't see at the
time. Maybe my husband and I weren't ready to be parents then. My friend
looked at me and said it was science. I'm not sure if she was trying to
challenge my declared agnosticism or if she was serious. I haven't
stopped thinking about that conversation. I think it's because even
though I hedge my bets that there is no God, I often find myself
praying. Most of the time, I just pray to the sky and ask that
"everything be all right," whatever that might mean.
As I look at my daughter playing in her room right now, I would pray to
any and every god that she never has to face the threat of gender
related violence or inequity. I would pray that as an American girl and
woman she have as much freedom as any of her male counterparts to enjoy
life and make decisions about her health and well-being. I would pray
that as the greatest nation on Earth we lead by example and defer to our
forefathers who never declared a national religion, because it is in
the absence of such a declaration that women and men have an equal shot.
Until we put faith in the strength of women, I cannot declare my faith
in any religion created by men, and I cannot declare America the
greatest nation on Earth.
