Since the shooting, there has been a lot of discussion about racial profiling and the inordinate number of young African American males who attract unwanted attention from law enforcement, and in some cases violent altercations. As I have been following the developments around this case, I read an interesting blog written from the perspective of a parent of an African American son.
The writer discusses having to teach his son how not to draw unwanted attention to himself. It addresses basics like how to dress and how to behave. It actually made me very sad. It reminded me very much of a similar blog I recently read regarding teaching daughters how to stay safe from sexual violence. In both cases, children are being taught that they must make a choice between their freedom and their safety.
We see all too frequently what happens when they choose "wrong."
I'm going to boldly declare something about myself that is blatantly obvious: I'm white. And when I say I'm white, I mean that I don't like rap music; I can't get into R&B; I don't understand excessively long sculpted nails or wearing pants that are way too big. I don't understand much about urban African American culture at all--or what are clearly common stereotypes.
I grew up in a town with a population of about 100,000 people. One high school was known to have the highest minority (I.e. black) percentage in the city. It wasn't the school I attended. I had one biracial friend, but otherwise only knew a few other African Americans while I was growing up.
When I moved to Kansas City, my exposure to African American culture increased exponentially. We happened to live in a pretty diverse neighborhood. Unfortunately, it was also a neighborhood right on the edge of the "bad part of town." There was a fatal shooting just down the street from our house. Police helicopters frequently flew over, in search of fleeing suspects. When I saw young African American men, they often seemed to be striving to appear intimidating and in command. Right or wrong, this influenced how I reacted to seeing these young men. I wouldn't go as far as to say I was afraid, but I did find myself trying to be more observant of my surroundings and "cautious."
As I write about it, I am aware of how terrible I sound. I had grown up mortified by my grandfather's horrifically racist views, and always considered myself to be someone who would never make snap judgments based on someone's skin color or how closely they might happen to fit certain stereotypes. But here I was--a small town white girl in a sprawling urban metropolis, experiencing things that called into question everything I thought I knew about my feelings regarding race. I had a really hard time reconciling what I had believed, and what was true. I may not be a racist, but I wasn't as colorblind as I had thought.
I explain all of this background about myself, because I want to make sure I call myself out on my own issues with race and stereotypes, and that I not try to paint myself with a brush of superiority. I'm a flawed human--just as we all are.
As the days have passed since the shooting of Michael Brown, social media has been a safe haven for people on both sides of the tragic event to spout any number of horrific things about each other. Whites feel free to label young black men as "thugs." Blacks accuse whites of targeting young black men and perpetuating centuries old inequities and oppression. It's a perpetual hornets' nest of hate and assumptions on both sides.
What I find most striking when I examine my own flawed views and the reality on the ground, again, is the similarity in how parents of young black men and the parents of young women must raise their children, and the consequences those children face when they choose "wrong."
In reading comments on Facebook by bigoted whites, it's clear that skin color is just one of the things that people perceive as "thug." Baggy pants, hoodies and the failure to immediately kowtow in the presence of any white male in authority somehow perpetuates the stereotype that young black men might be dangerous, even if they're not. It invites attention that these young men don't want. They don't want to be treated as criminals because of their skin color and the way they dress.
Young women are taught not to be too trusting. They're taught to cover themselves up and to avoid drawing attention to their bodies. If a young woman flirts a lot or shows a little cleavage or leg, she's often considered an easy mark, or a tease. It's true that women who "follow the rules" can become victims of sexual violence just as women who don't, but society still judges women by how they dress and how they behave. There's still an underlying current that whispers "she was asking for it."
She was asking for it in the same way that so many young black men are walking around like "thugs" and asking to be profiled by law enforcement.
Much of the time, these young men and women who are "asking for it" have one big thing in common--they are acting in direct defiance of ridiculous norms set and perpetuated by a smugly narrow society that attempts to dictate what is appropriate and what will get you raped or killed. They aren't striving to be "thug" or to be "whores," but their defiance of what they've been taught to do to stay "safe" opens them up for the dangers of being exactly those things they are not.
I don't understand wearing pants that are so baggy you have to hold them up as you walk down the street. I don't understand the art behind music that is frequently degrading to women and glorifies inner city violence. But quite honestly, that's my problem. Young black men shouldn't have to justify how they dress, what music they listen to or the swagger in their step any more than young women should have to worry about how much skin they're showing, or if the guy they just met at a party is going to get the wrong signal because of the way they smiled at him.
I don't know if Michael Brown went after that officer's gun. I don't know if he committed any crime. I don't know if that white officer grew up in a diverse community, or if he was just as sheltered as I was, and therefore doesn't understand the population he swore to protect and serve.
I do know that, once again, issues of race, inequality, misunderstanding of each other and the skewed expectation of homogenized appearance and behavior have led to the tragedy of hate, anger and division. For many who are so marked by these feelings and beliefs of division, these feelings and beliefs have led to the closing of the door to each other's hearts and minds once again.
Nobody asks to be a victim of perception, but when one person is such a victim, we all are.
