Animals in captivity--Peace be with you Harambe

So, it's really hard to love animals. I know, that seems like an odd statement, because of course, many of us do love animals. What makes it hard is striking a balance between what is right for them, right for humans, and what we just want. 

In the wake of the tragic situation at the Cincinnati zoo where a toddler managed to get into a gorilla's enclosure, and that gorilla was subsequently killed, there are a lot of fingers of blame flying around. It's moments like these that really call into question our ability to ever achieve the right balance for all. I don't think we can. 

In recent years, facilities and organizations that attempt to bring the animal kingdom to us have come under fire for not always appearing to have the interests of the animals in their charge at heart. From Sea World to circuses, the judgement of animal advocates has weighed heavily on such facilities and groups. Some of the conditions these animals are kept in are heartbreaking. 

There is probably one thing that everyone could reasonably agree on--housing any wild animal in captivity is not the best case scenario. It's unnatural. 

And that's more than part of the rub. 

The human species is voracious--for everything. We are destructive consumers who believe we are entitled to whatever we want. We encroach on natural habitat with our homes and settlements. Animals are hunted for food, body parts, fur, skin, and even just for the excitement and entertainment. As a species, we seem to believe we "own" everything. 

Zoos, aquariums, and circuses have been a source of human entertainment for a couple of centuries. People in positions of power liked to have wild animal collections. So, going places to look at animals is not a new phenomenon. What is a newer component of this idea is its potential mutual benefit to both humans and animals. 

Zoological facilities offer education about species, and most have breeding and research programs that seek to find solutions to endangerment and extinction. The majority of us would never be able to see the species housed by these facilities any other way. Certainly it is arguable that with the damage we have done to habitats and species, perhaps we don't have the right.

Without resources to educate us about endangered species and habitats, humans would have limited means of inspiration in efforts to turn back the tide, or understand the consequences of our actions. And those consequences are grave. 

According to the UN Environment Programme, about 200 species go extinct everyday. Let that number really sink in. Two Hundred. 

About ten years ago, I had the opportunity to take a behind the scenes zoo tour in Kansas City. I thought it would be a great chance to see what it's like to care for all of those dangerously cuddly animals, and certainly there was a little bit of that on view. What surprised me about the tour was a statement made by the veterinarian who manages the health of the animals. He said that donating money to zoos does not, and will not help endangered species. The real help to endangered species would come from assisting the human populations who live near these species in finding alternative economic resources: jobs, food, sustainable farming, etc. So, addressing poverty in a sustainable and environmentally conscious way. 

It may sound counterintuitive, but it actually makes sense. It would be pretty hard to convince someone not to kill a rhinoceros for its horn, when growing and selling crops would bring a fraction of the income. So, that means the human demand for animal parts must be eliminated at the same time as addressing poverty. Instead of "feeding" the appetite, we have to destroy it. 

But humans can be difficult to sway, and sadly, there are way more of us than there are of them. And so, the desperation of collecting, captive housing, research and breeding is the band-aid approach we uncomfortably find ourself with. 

Responsibility and consequences must go hand in hand. More than a few times, I have visited zoos and witnessed humans behaving more like "animals." Watching an adult human male taunt and tease a 400 lb male gorilla is maddening. The gorilla, who was housed with a female and her baby was driven to charging the glass. People are always trying to get closer. We're always trying to get the animals' attention--as if they somehow owe us a show on top of everything else we have taken from them: their homes, their freedom, their dignity. 

I know that accidents happen. I have a two year-old, and I feel like we escape certain injury or death at least once a day due to her fearlessness and frequent lack of desire to listen. I can't say that the mom whose toddler got into Harambe's enclosure was negligent, and of course, if my toddler had performed this feat of madness, I would hope zoo officials would do everything to ensure her safe return. But while I value her life beyond price, I cannot put a price on Harambe's life either. 

I do believe that zoo officials tried to strike all the balances. I am not familiar with the type of enclosure Harambe's was in or how anyone--let alone a toddler--was able to get in. My guess is its construction was designed to maximize Harambe's sense of freedom, and our ability to "get a little closer." It appears that no one imagined the tenacity and cunning of a toddler. 

Everything about this situation is sad, but the saddest part is that when we fail to be present and self-aware, we put in jeopardy one of the few resources that allows humans to understand the full beauty of what we are losing, and our responsibility to that beauty. 

I know zoos, circuses, aquariums and other such facilities miss the mark. They can never be as appropriate for wild species as their own habitats. A lot of work must be done on their end to improve quality of life, health, etc. But the rest of us bear an equal responsibility. We must learn from tragedies like the one in Cincinatti, and we must be vigilant in preventing such things from happening again. When we see humans behaving badly in these facilities, we need to report that behavior, as it endangers the welfare of the animals and visitors alike. People who are negligent, abusive and disrespectful in these facilities and their charges do not deserve to be there. Period. They should be kindly escorted to the entrance and invited not to return. 

We don't deserve the ability to view what we have endangered behind glass, chain-link, and bars. Ever since the release of the documentary Black Fish, I have found myself torn about taking my daughter to zoos and similar facilities--I don't want to play a role in harming any animal simply so I can gawk at it. 

We are the very reason so many of these beautiful animals are at the brink of extinction. We owe it to them to respect their existence and their lives, wherever we encounter them. 

Rest in peace, Harambe. Your life was not worth less than any of ours. 

Bam Bam the bear at Turpentine Creek Animal Refuge. 

The dangers of voting while distracted. It's not about values, the economy, or bathrooms.

So, I am kind of going out on a limb here. I usually approach most topics a little more metaphorically, or at least a little bit less directly, but I have really been thinking about something today, and it is troubling me. I've already written about it a couple of times, both with my usual approach, and not much response.

I'm really upset with conservatives and our media right now. I'm an unabashed liberal, so, I suppose you could argue that I am always just a little bit upset with conservatives, but this time it runs a little deeper. And probably because of my educational background, I've always been kind of a wishy-washy defender of the media. I know what its true purpose is supposed to be, and I know both how hard it can be fulfill that purpose, and how exciting it can be to try. 

Our world is on fire all around us. There is so much going on right now that is more than just important, and even vital to our survival and our children's futures. Until now, the only stake I had in tomorrow was for myself, but now my husband and I are responsible for the future of our little girl. And I feel almost as if it is time to hold everyone's feet to the fire who will in any way impact my daughter's education, freedoms and future. Maybe that seems crazy, but my feelings about it are strong.

We are living in a country thats "vision statement" guarantees life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We are living in a country that declares itself to be a land of acceptance and possibility. I'm not a flag flying patriot, but when I think of what it means to be fortunate enough either to be born American, or to become an American, there's a little tingle of red, white and blue in my toes that just fell asleep. 

All of the things about being an American that we ALL profess to care about are under threat. 

It seems as though we can't learn to live with our differences. Instead of accepting that we are a vast and diverse melting pot of people from different nations, different races, different beliefs, and not always clear sexuality, we allow our most vulnerable citizens to be targeted for discrimination and inequality. The groups ripe for targeting may change, but the hate and fear remains. And what's more, so does the distraction--the distraction from issues that ACTUALLY matter. 

Right now, multiple states are trying to institute and defend laws that prohibit transgendered individuals from using the restroom that feels most appropriate to their psychological gender. And they are doing this under the FALSE guise of protecting girls and women from sexual assault. The idea behind this ridiculous situation is that predators will pretend they are transgendered so they can infiltrate our women's restrooms and attack us. 

Here's the thing: We are constantly being told that we cannot have stricter gun laws because criminals ignore laws. So do sexual predators. And statistically speaking, most sex offenders tend to be people we know, and they don't come after us in public restrooms. 

I happen to be a survivor of sex abuse. I knew my offender, and it happened in my home. It offends my sensibility as a survivor that people looking for the right to perpetuate hate and fear towards a group of individuals who are already at risk for discrimation and hate crimes are using the kinds of crimes that happened to me as their justification. It's just wrong.

Swirling around this stew of fear and hatred is the idea that transgendered individuals are being brainwashed as children to identify as the gender opposite from their birth gender. Can anyone fathom anything so absurd?! 

If you look around, it's pretty easy to see that in this current "witch-hunting" climate of ignorance, fear and hate, encouraging anyone to be gay, lesbian or transgendered who was not born so would be completely counterintuitive. I love my daughter with all my heart, and while I would love her no matter her sexuality or gender identification, my heart would absolutely break for her if she doesn't happen to be straight, or if she came to me and said she feels like she's a boy. It would break for her, because as I look around at the current climate of fear and hate, I know all the obstacles and struggles she would unfairly face. And all I would be able to do is stand with her and lift her up any way I could.

While I am heterosexual, and decidedly female, I am truly sad for anyone in harm's way. Life is hard and challenging enough for all of us. Why must we work so hard, and with such ignorance to harm those who want nothing more than to just live their lives like the rest of us?

And yeah, I think our media bears at least some responsibility for allowing this kind of climate to flourish.

Forget Donald Trump's name. Forget that he achieved celebrity status as part of a reality television circus. Forget his foreign born wives, infidelities, bankruptcies, and a billion other things about him that may have drawn the media's attention. Make him just any other man who happens to be a billionaire. The idea that there would be a politician willing to pay his own way, and who cannot be bought is incredibly alluring. Granted, we as voters should accept responsibility for the fact that our leaders can so frequently be purchased, because we do nothing about it, and we voted for presidents who appointed Supreme Court Justices who said corporate money is welcome in politics as a part of free speech. 

So, again, pretend we have just any other man who happens to be a billionaire, and promises that he cannot be bought, and that he will pay his own way. Watch as any other man who happens to be a billionaire starts to make outlandish statements that are just a little bit inflammatory and maybe even a little bit racist. It makes for pretty interesting television. And sadly, our media is owned by giant corporations who are in the business of business instead of news. Any other man who happens to be a billionaire sees how quickly the media responds to him when he says inflammatory and hateful things and realizes that he may not have to spend too much of his own fortune if he keeps the media's attention. 

And it works. Like a dog with a juicy bone, the media seems to just salivate every time he opens his mouth. And in the process, everyone sets aside issues that really matter. Nobody is talking about global warming (even those of us who believe in it). Nobody is talking about how we cure cancer. Nobody is talking about how to end childhood poverty and hunger. Nobody is talking about how to reduce or eliminate our dependence on fossil fuels.

At least no one in the media is talking about these things, and none of our traditional political candidates really are either. The media is shaking its bone, and the traditional candidates have been struggling to garner any scraps the major media outlets happen to drop. Whether you like or agree with Bernie Sanders or not, you have to acknowledge that because he chooses not to play the same way everyone else on the field plays, he barely gets even scraps of the scraps. 

And now, while we all have rubber-necked with gaping open mouths at the media feeding frenzy that is Donald Trump, we have allowed the false issue of transgendered individuals as a threat in public restrooms to draw away our attention further. 

This is dangerous. When we fail to pay attention to the truth and to issues that really matter, our future can be hijacked. We lose our way. We lose all the ground we have gained when it comes to equality, decency, and freedom.

I have plenty of conservative friends who have always been proud to vote Republican. Most vote their conscience about pocket-book issues, and are concerned about personal responsibility, and the fair play that centers around hard work. We may not see these ideals with the same lenses, but I know they vote for the Republican Party that used to believe in personal freedom and small government. They don't identify with the fear and hatred that candidates like Donald Trump incite. They aren't racist. They aren't homophobic. They wouldn't encourage discrimation or hate crimes against people who are already vulnerable. But sadly, their voices and conciences have been hijacked, and they are going to be forced to make a lose-lose decision when November rolls around. If conservative voters with doubting hearts feel compelled to vote for Trump because he is the Republican candidate, we as a nation lose. 

Even sadder is the fact that the media, which should be focusing on the truth and what really matters, is playing right into the hands of a handful of very rich individuals who control our economy, and a clutch of angry and fearful paycheck to paycheck voters who can be so easily distracted by words like "family values," "national security," and "patriotism." And yeah, they may deny it, but some of them are racist and homophobic.

We all recognize the dangers of impaired or distracted driving. When will we learn to recognize the dangers of distracted voting? When will we hold our media accountable for its failure? When will we hold ourselves accountable for allowing big money to compose the very seams of our leaders' pockets? I hope it won't be our children who pay for our distraction. 

A mom on the edge--and NOT the edge of glory.

So, this isn't the greatest week of my mothering career. And before anyone says, "Oh, there are are going to be lots of times you feel that way, and at the end of the day it all works out," I just need to say what I need to say without any advice, wisdom, or mom-power in return. Sometimes, you just need to be able to say "Things really suck," so maybe then you can heave a deep sigh of relief that you didn't continue to try to swallow your frustration over and over. Sometimes that frustration you are trying so hard to swallow is so large, it feels like nothing is going to wash it down. 

It's another week where sleep is hit or miss most of the time. It's another week where as soon as I clean up something, it, or something else, gets dumped out in its place. It's another week where I feel like if I just try to do one thing I want to do, it gets hijacked, sidetracked, and derailed. It's another week where I want to sleep a solid six or seven hours without someone right up in my grill or attached to me. It's another week where I want to get dressed and get ready to go to bed or leave the house peacefully. It's another week where I want to be able to sit and watch an entire movie or episode of anything in one sitting, and without becoming a human jungle gym or pacifier. It's another week where I want to make a meal everyone gets to enjoy all at the same time. It's another week where I think wistfully of projects and goals that I just can't get to.

I know most of this is going to either pass or get easier, but for right now, I just feel so powerless and drained all of the time that I almost feel like I am constantly operating at a deficit. If one thing is going well, fifty other things are failing or suffering. And I do know that I am not alone, so I'm not trying to sit here and say that I am the only mom who has ever experienced any of what I am going through, or that my experience is the worst. I am sure I am a mostly average mom, with a mostly average toddler. 

But like every mom, sometimes you just have to say "uncle," and admit that just for a few minutes, or maybe even a whole day, you need things to be all about you. You need to be able to pity yourself for a few minutes and then get on with it. You need to be able to mourn and let go of all that you miss. You need a clean and somewhat organized house. You need your old jeans to fit. You need your half finished projects to be completed to your satisfaction. You need to write more than a blog. You need clear skin and great hair that isn't in a pony tail holder. You need a Dr. Pepper without feeling like a cheat. You just need a little more of yourself. 

And I don't say any of this as a slight against my partner. He does without many of these things, too. He's just much better at managing the public side of his frustrations than I am. I am apparently a natural emoter, for better or worse. I've tried to quit, but nobody makes a patch for that. 

At least a dozen things would probably magically make all of this frustration better. Regular exercise, making mom friends and spending time with them, time on my own, hobbies--the list is probably endless. But many of these things require consistency, and that's at least one of a million things that I feel like I am grieving. I never tried to force a schedule on my daughter, because of the things you have to do to make that happen that I wasn't comfortable with. And the whole word "force" is just naturally icky for me. I'm not a granola attachment mom, but I suppose I dance along the edge. Every day is essentially at my daughter's whim. Some days, the lack of consistency and control just makes me feel out of control and like a failure. 

I watch as everything spirals around me to certain "disaster." A Gogurt gets intentionally squeezed all over the floor before I can stop it. So, before I can process it, I yell. She asks for pizza and green beans for breakfast and only eats the green beans. She then steals my toast. She asks for a hug, but only so she can nurse. Every request is a loud demand. Unread magazines, unfinished projects and unfinished thoughts are scattered about, and the sink is full of dishes. The laundry is piling again. There are toys--so many toys--everywhere. In her room, in the living room, in the kitchen, in the dining room, in our bedroom. I yell. I try to reason with someone who has no concept of reasoning. I sigh. I huff. I feel ignored. I feel like a crazy person. 

I had no illusions about being a stay-at-home mom. I knew it was a full time job, and that it wasn't easy. The thing is, even when you know the score, you don't know how it feels until you are actually playing the game. And I know working moms have their own list of things to feel bad about. 

Mother's Day is just a few days away. The Internet is sprinkled with intermittent reminders to buy your mom the perfect gift, and blogs declaring that all Mom really wants is to go to the bathroom or take a shower alone. To be honest, I think what every mom wants for Mother's Day (or any day) is as different as every mom is. And maybe that is the essential core of what we all want for those "special" days, to experience something--gift or otherwise--that helps us connect with ourselves for a moment. For some of us who have this mom thing really figured out (AKA--the liars), maybe that is a t-shirt with a blazing "Mom of the Year" slogan on it. For some of us, it's a trip to the bathroom alone. For some of us, it's a day off from our job to spend with our kid(s). For some of us, it's just to feel like our sane and more together selves during a trying time. 

Regardless of what that gift looks like for each of us, I hope we all get what we want. 

Happy day, mommies! Happy day!