So, there are moments in life in which you have to accept that a dream is coming to an end, and you didn't even realize you were sleeping.
The world of work is difficult. There are a billion things we all would like to be doing everyday, and in the perfect world, we'd find a way to get paid for all of them. Most of the time, we end up sacrificing something in order to pay a bill, have a roof over our heads, and shoes on our feet. But, hopefully, we don't hate what we do in order to meet those needs.
I've been guilty of putting all of my eggs into one basket, multiple times. I've been guilty of believing in things that sometimes didn't believe in me back.
The first time around, I was going to be a journalist or writer. I still love to write, and I still hope one day that doing so will be a larger part of my existence than it is. For one, I know it will take far more discipline than I have now, and a wellspring of energy that I don't have most days. For two, being successful at it, will require that I find people who believe in me as much as I sometimes believe in myself.
The second time around, I realized that the first basket wasn't going to help me meet the needs of bills, roofs, or shoes. So, I fell in love with an idea, and went back to school to become a veterinary technician. I still believe in the idea with which I fell in love, but it took me a while to recognize that idea didn't necessarily believe in, or love me as much.
I had allowed myself to be consumed by what I do, what I thought I should be, and what I thought I had the chance to become. In the process, I forgot that I was more than all of those things. I think we all do that a little bit when we don't have anything on the outside to anchor us to the ground and remind us who we are while we are reaching so high for those possibilities we may always be left...reaching for.
Very recently it took a year and a half of being knocked to the ground (hard) repeatedly for me to realize who I am, and who I want to be. I'm still not there yet, but everyday, I think I see myself a little more clearly. I see when I start to slip and let all the other wind in my world blow me around, and I mistakenly think myself powerless to stand against it. I forget that we all have power...power of self, it's just a matter of choosing to use that power in our lives when we really need to.
What do I mean by that? It's not a simple answer. Sometimes it means that we say "yes" when we want to say "no," because we know the currency we stand to gain. Sometimes it means that when we leave work, we really leave it there. Sometimes it means we accept that what's good, outweighs the bad for us, and we are doing more than paying bills, keeping roofs over our heads, or shoes on our feet. What's good are the friendships we build with people who share common struggles, values and hopes. What's good is the satisfaction that we do it better than most. What's good is knowing that someone waits for us at home--four-legged or two, and even if nobody else we encounter all day believes in us, they do. Sometimes the power of "self" means we know when a dream has been just that, and we are worth more than that dream to ourselves and the people who love us. And even when waking up from that dream hurts like hell, we're going to be all right.
Being aware of "self" means you have the power to recognize what's worthwhile in your life, no matter what else might be happening around you. There's always something worthwhile, and you always had some part in making that happen. There's always something to believe in--it's you.
I have a friend going through a tough time today. A day of disillusionment and loss. Tough places to be. It's a painful to wake up from dreams, but just as hard to have the feeling that somehow, you were asleep along the way, and that you've given so much of yourself over to a non-wakeful state. Letting go is never easy. But when you let go, you find, you can...let it go...surrender.
Bad--U2
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