I forgot how much I love this show. It's a perfect mix of camp, teenage angst, cliques, and an occasional deeply significant truth.
In this last episode, Willow walks into her school's AV room to find her friends have all been killed by vampires. She is naturally devastated. As she recounts seeing this destruction to Buffy, she talks about how everything is different. The vampires have made her world their own.
It's a crucial moment--the realization that everything you know has changed.
Change is hard, even when we choose it.
The thing is, life is mostly a series of changes strung together by moments. They can be great moments. They can be terrible.
My husband and I are in the midst of what feels like an endless maelstrom of change, instigated by many moments that have been terrible. It is true that we have tried to sprinkle a few great ones in wherever we could, but sometimes it's hard to focus.
We've been on a path leading to an unknown place for awhile now. But as uncertain as things have been, they are far more uncertain than ever before. As we consider what the future holds, it seems time to talk about going through things and tossing aside things we can surely live without. It seems time to wonder where "home" really will be.
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| Sometimes life leaves marks no one can see. |
The places that we have lived in our day-to-day became strange to us, because we became strange to them. When hard things happen, they change you. When you change so much, the people you know sometimes stop knowing you. Everything feels different. Your world sometimes no longer feels like it's your own.
When I look around, I barely recognize our life, but most people probably can't see that. They only see the strangeness in who we have become after all the moments.
Time has a way of sorting things out, and I know that whatever happens, everything will be okay. I'm also sure there are lessons to be learned from all of it, no matter how tired we are of being "taught."
It's not like we don't know that things could be worse, or that there are people in the world facing greater difficulties than our own. It's more that we would like to be find ourselves in a place where the agents of change would allow us enough of a breather to focus on something other than all the extreme life events that keep pulling us down this crazy path.
I don't think anyone ever plans to become so self-absorbed, but when the buckets of rain keep pouring down, you tend to become a little bit of a sponge.
It's true that neither of us has walked into a room to discover that people we care about have had the lives sucked out of them by vampires, but the vampires of life have certainly drained part of our spirits, and I don't know that either of us will be the same again.
These vampire moments force us to look at ourselves and our lives. They force us to gain perspective, and to learn what it is that we really want. They force us to think about our own roles in the changes that we have to face. In the midst of pain, we don't always see ourselves so clearly. But when we have no choice, we finally have no choice.
Change is hard. It's hard when we choose it. It's hard when we don't. Sometimes, the only thing to do is try again. The only thing to do is to start over with a new life.
Hope--Rush
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