So, it's the first full week of 2014, and not surprisingly, everywhere you look, there's something to see regarding New Year's Resolutions. Most of them revolve around getting fit and losing weight.
I'm in a pretty good place this year. I've unexpectedly lost over twenty pounds, and in the last two months of pregnancy, weight loss is not even on my radar just now. But as I see all the commercials about exercise and dieting, I know that there are a lot of people out there who aren't facing the year feeling okay with themselves. And that's what really frustrates me about this time of year, and how companies prey upon those of us who really struggle with weight and body image.
Every time I see the Curves commercial with Jillian Michaels, I just want to scream. To me, it's just about the worst. I've never been to a Curves before, but when they initially opened, my impression of their business model was that these were facilities in which the average woman who wants to get in shape and feel better about herself could walk in and work out without feeling like she was a fat slob. In the current ad campaign, there seems to be only one woman in the commercial who has a body shape that is even close to what I pictured--and frankly, if I was at her fitness level, I'd probably feel pretty damn good about my body.
What gets my ire up most about this commercial is the mindless drumbeat drone that the only way that you can be happy is if you are thin. My answer to that is that the reason why we can't be happy unless we are thin is because people like Jillian Michaels keep telling us that we can't be happy unless we are thin. The fitness and weight loss industry makes their dollar by making us feel miserable about ourselves and any accomplishment we may have achieved because we don't have a six pack. Some of them might make the argument that it isn't about the way we look, it's about health and feeling good.
I'm not going to try and argue that being overweight is a healthy lifestyle. I know that it's not. One of my biggest fears about becoming pregnant was that I was already overweight, and any weight I might gain would put my health and my baby's health at risk. It's only a weird twist of "morning sickness" and fate that I have managed not to gain a single pound. I'm not even excited about the twist, because I have truly missed my food and any sense of normalcy about eating and diet. It's not what I planned or hoped for.
Over the years, I have watched people I care about struggle, beat themselves up, and starve themselves because they want to achieve some "ideal." I've been frustrated for them, especially because most of them have already achieved greater fitness than I can ever imagine for myself. I've also watched people closer to my own situation struggle and fall back multiple times. I relate to their sense of failure and defeat. I've definitely been there, and even though my current situation is different, I know that after my daughter gets here, I will remember that I am still heavier than I should be, no matter how much I've lost.
When I see the commercials for weight loss products, services and scams, I am more determined than ever to find every possible way I can to teach my daughter that you can't live your life for a number on a scale, a clothing tag, or a caliper. I hope to teach her about living a balanced lifestyle. I'm not going to hide the television, but I want her to know the joys of running in the grass and riding a bike too.
There has been so much talk in recent years about helping women and girls feel better about their body image. It makes me crazy that for all of that talk, the images of über sculpted women in next to no clothing far outweigh the images of the average woman who is just doing the best she can, and trying to live some kind of balance in life.
It all makes me feel like we can't win. Just trying to be as healthy as we can--mentally and physically--isn't good enough. And because it's not good enough for everyone else, it feels like it shouldn't be good enough for ourselves. It's one of the things I have noticed more, and been so disappointed with in human nature during my pregnancy. It seems like some of us just naturally seek to judge others for not doing "it" (whatever "it" is) their way. Whether it's how to have and raise your child, how to be successful in your career or relationships, or what it means to be healthy--someone always thinks their way is the only or best way.
I wish everyone who hocks a pill, a piece of exercise equipment or a nutrition system for weight loss could spend one moment in the shoes of the person feeling inadequate and insecure because of their bodies. I know some of those folks actually have been overweight and struggled too, but it seems like they forget how it feels. They forget how much they might have benefited from someone accepting them, loving them and thinking they're beautiful--just the way they were.
It bothers me that we live in a world where it is more acceptable and even more desirable to change everything about ourselves physically and otherwise to be valued than it is to offer each other understanding shoulders, acceptance and love. I'm sure it's an idealistic view, but when I think about the women in my family lineage and how so many of them have been pear shaped and all kinds of other not-so-desirable shapes, I want my daughter to grow up feeling that her shape is perfect--whatever it is, and that she doesn't have to turn herself inside out to be worthy of love--whether that love is from someone else or just from herself. I want her to grow up in a world where we don't voyeuristically watch others struggle with weight loss, body image, personal hardships and missteps to line the pockets of networks and companies that profit from the misfortunes of others. It doesn't seem like a dumb thing to wish for.
If you have to turn yourself inside out to be worthy of something, how real can that something be?
Just the Way You Are--Bruno Mars
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