How can a comic book hero capture the heart of a middle-aged woman? I think it might be scar-tissue.
Attention to detail is at least part of what makes the Wonder Woman back story so appealing. She is an Amazon--part of an all female warrior race. And warriors are survivors. In Patty Jenkins' film version of the Wonder Woman origin story, one of the details viewers cannot help but notice is that the Amazon warriors have scars. The scars make them no less beautiful, and they are anything but a sign of weakness.
These scarred women have fought battles, and they have survived. They have survived deep wounds. They have suffered. They have become even stronger and more determined because of their battles. At the same time, they have become protective and guarded. Through the battles they have fought, they have learned to be wary of letting anyone in from the outside.
We don't all have the advantage of being a demigoddess, with super human powers, or the advantage of being trained by Amazonian warriors to do battle. And not all of us have visible scars. That doesn't mean we aren't survivors, and it doesn't mean we aren't warriors.
I'm sure it's only natural for those of us who have sustained significant and wounds and scars to be drawn to each other. We probably share many coping skills, and we interact with people in similar ways. Even so, I often wonder if somehow, we are drawn into friendships with each other because we can somehow sense the scars that other people don't see.
Life can leave some pretty significant "marks." Whether they come from being a child of divorce, abuse, or estrangement, or the victim of sexual assault or other violence, many of us have to find ways to battle demons both head on, and when we don't always expect it.
Some of the coping mechanisms we develop are healthy. Others are not. Sometimes, we are surprised by triggers that we feel shouldn't so easily catch us off guard, so many years down the road. We form relationships and friendships based on what feels familiar and safe. And sometimes, without looking, we find each other and remind each other that we are not alone with our scars.
With just a few words or even mannerisms, we unwittingly reveal our shared battles, wounds and scars. We become like old soldiers, reuniting over drinks at a fireside. We trade stories of which wounds still give us trouble. We talk about random events that trigger the memories we can't ever bury deeply enough.
Many times, I believe we're not even really trying to hide our scars from other people so much as we might be trying to hide them from ourselves. I know that for myself, I don't mind if people discover my scars, I just mind the feeling of burdening them with what I perceive as the weakness of still treating old wounds.
At the end of the day, I am sure that there are more of us with scars--the symbols of survival and doing battle--than we imagine. I welcome my fellow warriors with open arms, but also with sorrow. The sorrow comes from knowing that in spite of time, distance, and whatever salves we find to treat our wounds, some never truly heal, and some battles roll on forever, touching everyone and everything we love in some way.
Ultimately, my fellow warriors, know that my scarred soul somehow sees yours, even before we speak the words, and trade our secrets and stories. And remember, we only become super heroes when people find out what battles we have won, not simply because of our power.
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