So, I know that many wives spend years of their marriage with an incredibly irritating, and obnoxious thorn in their side—their mother-in-law.
Stereotypically, mother-in-laws are interfering, nosey, and they tend to believe their sons can do no wrong. You see this play out in movies and television. You hear your friends complain about it with heavy sighs, and eye rolls.
I don’t have this problem.
For almost 22 years, I have had a dear, and wonderful friend in my mother-in-law. Actually, in recent years, she’s become more like a mom to me than a friend, or even my own mother.
In the last few months, my husband has been stretching, and challenging himself with a new direction in his career. At one point, there was talk of moving to Minneapolis—a place where we would know no one, and we would have no support structure. My first thought—what would I do without her?
And it’s so much more than the fact that she is willing to lend a hand when I need someone to help with Willow so I can go to a dentist appointment. While no mom could ever discount the importance of having someone they can call on for help, the reasons I rely on her are much deeper.
There is just something about the comfort of having her nearby that I can only equate with what it must feel like to have a mom you can count on. I know that I can tell her when the days are hard, and if she thinks I’m doing the wrong thing, I will never know. I know that if I have moment when Jeph and I don’t see eye to eye, or he’s just plain irritating, I can talk to her about it, without fear that she will judge me, or use the moment to undermine my marriage.
I always knew I was lucky, but it wasn’t until our daughter was born that I truly understood how important she is in my life.
For months, I had said that when our daughter was born that I wanted to have a week or so that was just us—no visitors, no one staying at the house. I wanted to have the time to “figure it out,” and bond as a new family. I was wrong.
I had absolutely no idea what I was really in for. I had an unplanned cesarean section, and could barely walk across the room without crying. And since Jeph had only started his job a few months earlier, he didn’t have any vacation time built up, or paid leave. He was only able to be home with me for a day and a half.
Jill got me through that first week. The morning she left, we both broke down and cried.
There is no way I could ever put into words what her support and love—yes, love—means to me. As someone whose biological family is dysfunctional and fragmented at best, having anyone in your life who is willing to step into, and fill the void your own family—particularly your own mom—has left is an indescribable gift.
To say that I am grateful for my mother-in-law would never express how I feel about her. She has given me so much. Not only did she raise her son to be a person who could overlook my crazy, and love me in spite of it, but she has given me something I was pretty sure I would never have—a real mom.
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